Centenarian Country Squire
Try this piece as the best friend of Henry Hastings: one who loved him and relished the ideal country life they shared. Both men absolutely adore dogs of all kinds - a trait common to many Englishmen today. In section 6 the word attending mocks the practices of court, with Hastings being attended at meals by kittens rather than fawning lords. The speaker does find
his friend's addiction to oysters and moderation in drinking odd, but who can argue with surviving till 100? He also takes great delight in the chapel not being used for prayers, but the pulpit being the safest place to hide valued food from the pack of dogs that runs rampant through the household. There is likely no wife, as the bastards in section 11 imply that Hastings gets the sex he needs by visiting various women of local villages. There are other observations about Hastings' randy nature that are not included in this shortened version of the speech. Living to 100 while hunting every day on horseback with dogs, eating oysters, drinking beer, entertaining friends and having lots of sex with the local women, was what many Elizabethans might have judged to be the perfect country life.